God's Cake

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her mother how everything is going wrong; she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack.

The daughter replied, "Absolutely, Mom. I love your cake!"

"Here, have some cooking oil," her mother offers.

"Yuck," says her daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"

"Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

Cowboy Boots

If you've ever dressed a child you will love this!

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner than they got the boots off he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots"

Hippopotamus

Teacher to the class:

Now I am going to tell you all about hippopotamus. I want everyone to

pay close attention to me.

...


...


...


...

...


...

...

...

If you do not look at me, you will never

know what a hippopotamus is like.

Three science students went to a pond.

The physics student said he wanted to calculate the density of water
and jumped into the pond.

Then the student of mathematics said that he wanted to calculate the
depth of the pond and followed the physics student.

The chemistry student waited for about an hour, then finding no trace
of the two, he left concluding that both were soluble in water.

High Birth Rate

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money, hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist. They moved into town, rented offices, set up their computers, go squared away and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for s cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town. Then he asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o.clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everyone up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."

Jokes

Corporate Quotes

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA )

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp.)

Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)


"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."

_________________________________________________________________

Fix It Yourself

When a guy's printing on his printer began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
__________________________________________________________________


Complaints

It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.

The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE this trunk you have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!"

The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!"

Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE this long neck! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!"

The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance."

The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger behind or smaller eggs!"

__________________________________________________________________


Quickies

NASA wanted to find a writing implement that could be used in space. It took 200 engineers and they spent over $2 billion to finally invent a space pen. This pen could write in zero gravity and the ink would still flow.

NASA proudly announced their success and congratulations flowed in from all over the world.

In a short note to the Americans, the Soviet engineers congratulated them, but said that they too had found a solution at a fraction of the cost.

They remarked, "We use a pencil."

_________________________________________________________________

An old man was setting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man," he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, Sir," the young man replied. "I'm a Census Taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A Census Taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States ."

"Well," the man answered, "you're wasting your time with me. I have no idea."

________________________________________________________________

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?"

The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"

___________________________________________________________________

The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist' s couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."

"Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?"

"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."

___________________________________________________________________

The Princess And The Frog

There was a really cute princess walking through the woods, and she heard a voice calling, "Hey really cute Princess!"

She looked around and didn't see anyone but a frog. She started to walk on but the frog called again. "Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!"

It had been a very boring day so she decided to give it a try even though she really didn't believe the frog. The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow.

When she got up the next day what do you think she found? There on her pillow sat a really handsome Prince.

Do you believe the story?




Neither did her mother...

Superb.!!! [:-)]

There was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for
a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.


Florist is happy and leaves the shop.



The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank
You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.



A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he
again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the
shop.





The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another
"Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.





A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber
again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.



The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds
there......





Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . ....
..
(Believe me it's worth it!!!!!!!!!! )
...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


...


..
...



...





A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts of
the Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut.